On the Verge of 25

Posted on May 14, 2013

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Every year when my birthday comes along, I feel like my new year is just starting again. It’s my version of New Year’s. So May 17 serves as my January 1. When’s your new year start?

I look back at another year gone by. Last year, I got off to a rough start. I made some mistakes that had painful consequences. I spent the summer ill, trying to recover, and learned something new. And then I met the most amazing person.

When I look at the past, I realize that the ability to “look back” only exists when you’re learning from your mistakes, not repeating them. I had spent 24 years trying to understand how this “love” deal worked. I made one mistake after another, and last year, right around my birthday, I still had the same skewed perspective about love. But it was the realization that my skewed perspective was skewed that pushed me forward and led me to the best part of my life yet—meeting my boyfriend and partner in life, Matt.

It’s a strange thing to think back to those painful summer months of 2012. I had never spent so much time in despair as I had then. Thank God for the encouraging and loving people He surrounded me with in that desperate time in my life. Thank God for letting me make mistakes so I could learn more about Him and more about my relationship with Him. Thank God for putting that situation in my life so I could change my thinking and my perspective, to get my eyes off of myself and onto Him, to get myself back into genuine, heartfelt worship, to get me away from people who not only influenced me for wrong, but also dragged my spirit down to join them. I just keep thinking . . . thank God for the painful time in life, because it got me through to the very best part of my life ever.

And as my 25th birthday is only a few days away, and I find myself despairing over an entirely new thorn in my side, I realize that although despair is real, and life gets hard and sometimes even painful to bear, that I have two things going for me this year that I didn’t have last year: my best friend in the whole world, who loves and supports me, Matt. And a renewed confidence that although God has allowed this burden in my life, that He promises to help me carry it, and He constantly reminds me that I’m not alone, even when a bad situation turns to worse, and a worse situation turns to the worst situation, and the worst situation seemingly grows darker.

Whatever shadow follows you, whatever burden you’re bearing, think back to last year, or the year before, and remember that thorn in your side that seemed to grow. The year 2012 is over, and 2013 is quickly passing. I can’t forget to thank God that 2012’s pains are gone.

Bring it on, 25.

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