Just Let It Out

Posted on April 29, 2011

5


I was just reading a post on Freshly Pressed – and inspiration struck. Suddenly Jamie, the author of the post, mentioned a few times how some of our best writing comes from being “uncensored,” from writing freely without any far-out expectation or requirement. Being an editor, it’s extremely difficult for me to achieve this. My job is to find errors in the middle, not read through and then come back to sort out the errors–the crap–from the text. It’s difficult enough for me to type a sentence and not stop mid-typing to punish that backspace key and refine my words. It’s difficult.

But the great joy in it is being able to free yourself from your own expectations, since more than often we are our own worst critics. Releasing our feelings with unbridled affection, free of self-judgment or criticism makes your writing pure, original, and untainted. Not necessarily clean, but unaffected by the red pens inside our minds that find their greatest joy in telling our brain to “fix this,” “cross out that,” and “change this.”

 . . . all of that to say . . .

It’s not only our writing that could use some serious uncensoring. Our feelings could use a break too. “Bottled up inside” is a statement generally associated with someone who refuses to express their feelings, for good or bad reasons. This bottling up affects our physical bodies as well as our emotions. Feelings were meant to be expressed, not hidden away to wreak havoc on our emotional and physical beings. That said, I’m not justifying that we always speak our minds or always reveal our emotions in the entirety in which we feel them, but that we find a source to empty our emotions in when speaking them openly isn’t appropriate.

This leads me to yesterday . . .

Yesterday, I was having . . . “issues,” I’ll call them. Last month, I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. Four doctor appointments, a CT scan, a surgery, an ER visit, and a week and half later, I was finally back to feeling normal again. And then two weeks ago, the symptoms returned. Because of the nature of the disease, it’s not the type of “chat over a meal” kind of discussion you have with your friends. It’s miserable, and I experience anxiety and frustration. It’s difficult to explain to others, so the majority of the time, I keep my feelings, my anxiety, my frustration, my discomfort to myself. Anyone who has a disease or has something far worse than this (because let’s just say it, what I have isn’t fatal, isn’t considered extremely serious) has this great understanding of what it’s like to have to deal with pain on a daily basis. But I’m the new girl in town when it comes to this, and the thought of dealing with this for the rest of my life frightens me.

Last night, I let it all out. I was having a conversation with my mom, and out of nowhere, I just let out how I felt entirely. After that, I felt like I was experiencing some kind of cleansing process. Finally, I had told someone exactly how I felt.

Because sometimes, you just need to let it out. Let out everything. Because we all know it’s unhealthy to keep everything inside forever.

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