I Can’t Quite Find the Words

Posted on January 10, 2011


If you’ve done any blog-sifting, no doubt you’ve come across the trending topic of New Year’s this and New Year’s that.

Since I have a blog, I thought having a New Year’s something-post would be most appropriate. But yet I never wrote a post. It’s not that I didn’t have ideas to write about. Oh, I had many ideas. But I didn’t want to be placed next to all the other books on the shelf. I wanted to have something different, something fresh, a word, perhaps, that was the onomatopoeia of how I felt about not THE New Year, but A new year. And I couldn’t think of the word.

So you’re going to have to deal with this. My current, uninventive collection of words that may or may not poorly represent what a new year means to me.

But before that, a little background to stir the pot:

I graduated college a little over a year ago, and in 8 days, I will have worked at my current job for an entire year. An old college friend (as if I’ve been out of college for SO long, right?) called me today. He and I hadn’t spoken in over a year.

He was asking me what had happened in the past year, what had been going on in my life. I told him about my job, and how I was adjusting to it. I was making new friends, I was working a job considered full-time ministry. I was out of college, and I was happy.

And then he asked about church. So I gave him the short-version of how this huge incident had occurred, and the main pastor had left. And then he asked me about a friend, and I told him how the friendship had ended 6 months ago. And then he asked if anything else exciting had happened. So I told him about how we put our dog down, and that on the same day, I got in a car accident. And we talked about other mutual college friends, and a particular friend that well, was no longer one of my friends.

He acted shocked and surprised. “Wow, you’ve had a very interesting year.” The only thing I could really say was that I was very excited 2011 had finally shown up. “Keep pressing forward, Kristin.”

Keep pressing forward.

I wish. I really, really wish that 2010 wasn’t the year that so many of those things happened. It was such a sad year. It’s a time in my life when I feel like I lost so many important things and people.

But with all change in life, there’s always a little sadness. Saying goodbye to something old, and saying hello to something new. It isn’t easy, and it certainly isn’t painless. I experienced a few very unhappy endings. And those endings make the new year that much more exciting to look forward to. It’s a time of new beginnings.

I know that most people pull out their bucket lists to see what they’ve checked off by the end of the year. And then they take out their pens and make new lists of goals they hope to accomplish the next year. It’s the official time for making new goals and striving toward better things.

But the new year for me – it’s much more than a set of goals I hope to achieve. It’s a big opportunity for new beginnings – new friendships, new possibilities, new people, new rituals to start. I may not accomplish all I set out to this year, but I do know at least I have another chance to do things, another opportunity. And that there are new people out there waiting to meet me.

I might not have what I used to have, but at least I’ve let go of what was holding me down long enough that I can actually grab on to something new now.

Cheers to open minds and hands waiting for new beginnings to fill them.