The Transition

Posted on November 8, 2010


I’ve had the title and idea in mind for a while. Since then, it’s been a mind game to come up with just the right way to articulate my thoughts.

See, I never used to believe in the transition. Life happened and I’ve been forced to believe it is the best possible outcome, at least for someone like me. But I didn’t arrive at this conclusion until it really has become the only option.

The transition, for me, is the time between college and marriage.

Yes, I must blog about this transition because it has become a huge chunk of conversation before, during, and after college between myself and everyone else wanting to know: when am I gonna . . .

  • Find someone
  • Get engaged
  • Tie the knot

Yeah, that’s a pretty crazy list, if you ask me. Most people usually start with the, “so . . . hey . . . anyone special in your life?”


Dialog continues:

“Ha! No, not yet.”

“Oh . . . ”

Awkward pause. Silence ensues.

“So, what else is new in your life?”

See, if you’re me, or if you’ve grown up like me, you have to embrace this conversation–every awkward silence, every “I feel sorry for you” look, every thought that person is thinking that revolves around the idea that something must be wrong with me because I’m not in a relationship.

So I embrace it.

And then I embraced the transition. The transition that allows me to experience life between the college experience and the relationship period.

It’s been pretty amazing, too. There’s so much to learn about yourself when you’re not attached to the hip and dependent on someone else.

Transition Benefits:

Personal financial dependence. Instead of jumping from my dad’s income to a guy’s income, I bring home the bacon . . . and then I eat it. OK, bad way to express it. But there is a great feeling knowing that you’re supporting yourself without anyone else’s help.

Deeper friendships. Because I’m not in a relationship, it’s much easier for me to take advantage of  getting to know my friends better, many of which have become like family to me.

Image Via Google Images

Explore my own potential. Not being tied down to another person allows me to focus more on educational and career goals. And for me, a solid education and a dream career are part of my plan.

Independence. I separated this one from the financial dependence because “becoming independent” is a great way for me to grow up apart from anyone else. I can learn to paint my own walls, build my own furniture, take my own trips, etc. It’s the independence that prepares me for a relationship so that when it does turn into marriage, I’m not having to learn how to do everything because I’ve already experienced things myself.

Self-knowledge. I think this is one of the greatest benefits of the transition. I get to know myself better each month–what things make me impatient, personal quirks, how I handle certain situations, etc. As I experience more of life, and transition from college, to home, to out on my own, nature is testing me. And through the tests, I learn more about how I function–and how I can improve and change into a better person.

And the list goes on.

Although some people look at women “trying to be independent” as stuck-up or misplaced, I rather appreciate the opportunity to be independent at this point in my life.

Others will think this is the way I make myself sleep at night because it’s so terrible that I’m single. Well, I’m tired of that argument. I used to be right there in the bullpen with all of you. Now I’m finding it much more convenient at this point in life to be in the transition period. That also means single.

Actually, I’m kind of loving it.